09/2/13
IMG_7757

The Question

“So how is the adoption stuff going?”

I smile. I hold in the sigh. The frown. The widening of my eyes that might give away a possible situation that is too early to talk about…and too painful to share if it falls through.

Again.

Then I remind myself that I’m lucky. Lucky to have people that care enough to ask. Lucky to have people hoping and praying for us. Lucky to have possibilities. There are no guarantees in life, no matter what path we choose or what plans we make. But, we have hope.

And we have perspective. Waiting families at our agency are on the list an average of two years before adopting a child. We’ve only been waiting about 18 months.

And we have trust. Trust in our agency, which has impressed us every step of the way with their commitment to children, families and upholding the highest ethical standards. Learn how the Cradle has been building families for 90 years in this article.

We have faith that there is a plan for us. A destiny we’ve yet to encounter. A family yet to be formed.

So, ask us how things are going. It lets us know you care. There may not be news, but the process is working. Having supportive family and friends makes the wait more bearable, and for that we are thankful.

Know someone considering making an adoption plan? Here’s our story.

 

04/14/13

Today I Told the Truth

What do you get when a girl named Ryann meets a boy named Stacy in a college marching band? A band-geek marriage full of music, laughter, stories, and, on occasion, confused telemarketers.

Our Adoption Profile

My husband and I are on an adoption waiting list. Life in the pre-adoption limbo land isn’t terrible. It’s an exciting time, full of hope and joyful anticipation. Sure, it’s not easy to make plans. And there are disappointments. But this has been our choice and it will be worth it.

There are times when the wait is difficult. Similar, but different, than life before we were on a waiting list. We’ve been trying to start a family for several years. So, a few years ago, I decided to be selfish.

I stopped going to baby showers.

As happy as I am for family and friends that are growing their families (and I am, in fact, happy for them), I knew it was something I needed to do for myself.

And the other day, I told someone the truth.

“Why can’t you come to the baby shower?” They asked. Not because they don’t understand what we are going through. Just because they wanted us there to share in their excitement.

This time, instead of making up some kind of excuse, the truth slipped out. I surprised even myself.  “Baby showers are hard for us.”

Giving myself the permission to not go to baby showers, to send a gift and our love instead, has improved my mental health. There are times when we should do things that are hard. Things that makes us uncomfortable.

And there times when it is okay to take care of yourself. To be selfish. To be sane. To not feel guilty about knowing your limits and what you need to do for you.

Sometimes, it’s even okay to tell the truth. People won’t always understand, but as long as you are true to yourself, it will be okay.

07/10/12

Waiting

My husband and I were private people–until we met our adoption counselor about a year ago. We told her of the long winding road that had led us to the Cradle, and we haven’t stopped talking about adoption since.

What do you get when a girl named Ryann meets a boy named Stacy in a college marching band? A band-geek marriage full of music, laughter, stories, and, on occasion, confused telemarketers.

In some ways, it is probably good practice for what life will be like after a child is placed with us. We are open to adopting a child from any race or ethnicity, so there is a good chance we will be a “conspicuous family.” Gone will be the days where we can roam just under the world’s radar. People will probably always have questions and comments for us about adoption, so we might as well get used to it now.

Another reason we are open with our adoption story is because we know connections with a birth parent could be made in many different ways. Networking and getting the word out about our desire to adopt is vital. Now I linger over my coffee and chat up baristas. I share a little too much information when picking out paint samples at the paint store. I slip our adoption business cards to the short order cooks at the local greasy spoon. You never know who might know someone who knows someone who might be considering an adoption plan. We also have comfort in knowing that the Cradle counselors will help birth parents make the best choice for the child and for themselves.

We haven’t been waiting long–only a few short months. Some days the wait is easier than others, but we have faith that a child will join our family eventually. For those of you who haven’t had the experience of running into one of us at the paint store here are a few of the more common questions we’ve been asked.

Q: How long is the wait?

The average wait is about two years and we’ve only been waiting a short time so far. However, you never know when birth parents might be looking for specific things that would match our own adoption profile. The birth parents choose which adoptive family to place their child with and each birth parent has different hopes and dreams for their child’s forever family. So length of time on the list is just one factor they may consider. We could get the call next month or next year…

Q: Will the adoption will be open or closed?

We hope to work together with the birth parents to have an open adoption. Everything we have learned reinforces our beliefs that an open adoption is the best option for the child. This way they have a better sense of their heritage, medical history and identity.

Q: How old will the child be? Will the child be from Illinois?

The program we are in at the Cradle is the Infant Domestic program. The child placed with us will be a newborn and could be from this area or from another state. Adoptions that cross state lines involve a little different procedures, but they are completely doable.

Q: Can you pick a boy or a girl?

No, that is not an option. Like many expectant parents we would be equally happy with either a boy or a girl. Or one of each!

Q: What does Clete (our dog) think about all this?

He has been somewhat quiet on the subject, but he is great around kids. Having a baby join our happy family will be a transition, but we are confident Clete and the child will become good friends. Plus, Clete is always happy for someone in his life who is likely to drop food.

Q: Any news?

This one is the hardest of all. We are notified if someone looks seriously at our profile, but that isn’t news were are going to share with the world. It is hard enough going through the ups and downs of adoption without taking the rest of the world on the roller coaster ride. We also know that nothing is guaranteed until we bring a child home with us. So, that is our standard answer: You’ll know we have news when there is another person here with us. But don’t worry, we’ll be shouting it from the rooftops by that point.

Q: What if we know someone who is considering adoption?

Direct them to our adoption profile.

Thank you for helping us to share our story!