My husband and I are on an adoption waiting list. Life in the pre-adoption limbo land isn’t terrible. It’s an exciting time, full of hope and joyful anticipation. Sure, it’s not easy to make plans. And there are disappointments. But this has been our choice and it will be worth it.
There are times when the wait is difficult. Similar, but different, than life before we were on a waiting list. We’ve been trying to start a family for several years. So, a few years ago, I decided to be selfish.
I stopped going to baby showers.
As happy as I am for family and friends that are growing their families (and I am, in fact, happy for them), I knew it was something I needed to do for myself.
And the other day, I told someone the truth.
“Why can’t you come to the baby shower?” They asked. Not because they don’t understand what we are going through. Just because they wanted us there to share in their excitement.
This time, instead of making up some kind of excuse, the truth slipped out. I surprised even myself. “Baby showers are hard for us.”
Giving myself the permission to not go to baby showers, to send a gift and our love instead, has improved my mental health. There are times when we should do things that are hard. Things that makes us uncomfortable.
And there times when it is okay to take care of yourself. To be selfish. To be sane. To not feel guilty about knowing your limits and what you need to do for you.
Sometimes, it’s even okay to tell the truth. People won’t always understand, but as long as you are true to yourself, it will be okay.